


Trouble with toys

by Helloootricksterr



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Ferengi, Just a thought I had, Tribbles (Star Trek), When you have a product, buisness, you sell it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24602236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helloootricksterr/pseuds/Helloootricksterr
Summary: Products sell, and if it isn't illegal, Quark sells it at his bar. Buisness is buisness.
Relationships: Jadzia Dax/Worf
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Trouble with toys

Not all of Quarks business dealings were shady. Business was business, you made latinum and moved on. But this one was particularly interesting. 

Nothing illegal or even morally grey about it. He had a product to sell to anyone who would buy it. He had a crate of them. Odo couldn't do shit. 

Hand sized fuzzballs covered the bar. A few on the counter, some on tables, others inching their way to some unknown destination, or to bump into a foot. One was even taking a spin on top of a dabo wheel. 

The item in his arm cooed and buzzed pleasantly, and the dabo girls were showing them off to the customers at the table, some who had never heard of a tribble. Morn had two in his arms and was thinking of getting a third.

Not that this was a tribble, oh no, DEFINITELY not a real tribble. This was a machine. No reproducing or eating. One of the problems with tribbles is that even without a face, the little fuzzballs were just cute. That's one of the reasons they spread from planet to planet so fast. 

This was a machine covered in very soft but synthetic fur, designed to act like a tribble. There was even an off switch for when you wanted to be done with it. 

Doctor Bashir was taking to O'Brien, absentmindedly petting one of the robots on the counter, he was explaining that it was proven that purring in earth cats would help quicken the healing of some issues, like broken bones, or some viral infections because of the rate of the vibration matched something in the body and the comfort a pet gave, and wondered out loud if the tribble had a similar effect with its purring and gentle vibrations. 

Not a bad speil to pass on to someone, he'll definitely quote the doctor on that to sell a robot to someone else. 

And then Warf entered the bar. Quark was glad he was watching the entrance at that moment because he caught the look of confusion swiftly followed by disgust on the Klingon face when he saw the furry toys that littered the bar and the rest of the establishment. 

If his hair hadn't been braided, Quark thought it might have bristled. His facial hair almost did. 

"What are these things doing here?" he nearly snarled. The toy in his arm squeaked unhappily as he marched to the bar and tried to rip the toy from his grasp. 

"Hold on there lieutenant, this isn't a real tribble, it's a toy designed to act like one!" He found the off switch under the fluff and the fuzz ball stopped rocking and squeaking. He passed it to the Klingon who held it for a moment, rolled it over in his hands and then ripped it apart, revealing the insides to be a blue stuffing of some sort. 

"Hey! You break it you buy it!" Warf glared at him, with a face that promised death and stormed out of the bar. 

Further down the bar, Bashir had stopped petting the toy near him. 

"Oh right." O'Brien reminded himself quietly, "Klingons hate tribbles." 

Not too long later, Odo wandered onto the bar, and watched one of the toys inch it's way down the counter. 

"I know you're not dumb enough to purchase actual tribbles, but why buy fake ones?"

Quark shrugs while pouring a drink.  
"A product's a product, might be a fake animal, but it makes real latinum."

"You checked the entire stock for life signs?"

Quark opened his mouth in fake shock.  
"What kinda idiot do you take me for Odo? I had O'Brien scan the box before it was transferred to the station."

"Hmm." Odo reached for a tribble that was making its way to him. One of the striped black and grey ones. He rolled it over in his hands and it started purring. 

Quark didn't let himself watch Odo after that because if he did he would realize what he was doing and then he would have to get rid of them. He let the natural cuteness work for itself.

"The real ones have some kind of mouth parts, but these are just fake fur over some stuffing, a easy to charge battery, and a chip or two to make it do that. It uses its fur to move, don't ask me how."

The chief security officer tucked it into his arm, and the tribble started purring louder. 

"I'm taking this one with me to scan. If what you say is true about these...toys, then there's no reason they shouldn't be allowed on the station." 

"If you want, I can show you the one Warf ripped apart so you don't have to dissect that one." The tribble Odo held had slowed its purring but had been buzzing strongly. 

"Yes, I'll take the broken one." With one in his arm and the other in a box he left the bar. Seeing Odo carry one out of his bar would make the other people on the station curious. He couldn't ask for better advertising! He took the loss of two in stride, knowing that he could now up the price from two to three slips. 

A few more people asked about the furballs and he made a few more sales before the captain walked in the bar. 

"Captain, what can I get for ya?" 

Sisko smiled a practiced but not totally fake smile. "Anterian brandy Quark, and some information if you have it." 

"What I know is yours Captain." This was an old dance. This wasn't anything bad. The worst these toys did was upset one officer.

"Where did you get these lifelike toys from?" Quark grabs the bottle and finds a cup. 

"How'd you know what a real tribble looks like captain? Aren't they mostly extinct?" He passes the drink to the captain who tilts his head in thanks and takes a drink. 

"Not too long ago I went back in time to prevent someone from changing the timeline." Quark nods. He heard it from Bashir and O'Brien when they got back. 

"The ship was infested with tribbles. They were put in a grain silo and ate most of it, it wasn't long before most of the ship was was covered in them. They're slow, but enough of them can damage a ship." He watched a white and molted white and brown one making it's way towards him before he picked it up. The toy cooed in his hands. 

He rolled it over, and found the battery pack with his nimble human fingers and flicked the switch off. The toy became and inanimate object. 

"Do you know that the Bajorans have never heard of tribbles?" Sisko moves the switch and the toy purrs as he puts his hand over it.  
"Really?" Hasn't everyone?" Quark pauses pouring Morn's third drink of the night. 

"The Cardassian empire has. And from what Odo told me, they even had a contingency plan in place in case one ever showed up."

"And what was that?" Sisko motions for him to come close. Quark leans on the bar, getting closer. Not that it meant anything. With his ears he hears whispers on the other side of the room, but it's nice to humor the captain. 

"If a tribble is seen on a cardassian ship, the ship is to be abandoned immediately, and then destroyed." 

Quark moved back in shock. Well, it wasn't that much of an overreaction. A real tribble could overrun and eat a planet within a week. Rumor has it that they did. 

"O'Brian!" Sisko called across the bar. 

"Yes cap'n?" O'Brian pauses his game of darts and comes to his captain. 

"Did you do a thorough scan on Quarks shipment ?"

O'Brien looks at the toy tribble in the captain's hands and can connect the dots. 

"First I used a general scan, sir. But when he insisted that there needed to be no life in the box or he would return it, I scanned for life forms up to insect size sir. Not a one. Nothing living, or was ever alive in that package."  
Sisko nods, "Thank you chief, that's just what I wanted to hear."

"Thanks chief." Quark smiled,  
"And here, pick one out for your children. For you, one slip." 

O'Brien picks a red-brown one with fur that curls not unlike the hair on his head. "Dunno of the kids will like it, but Chester might. Cap'n." He excuses himself back to his game of darts, holding his new toy.

Quark refills the captains drink without asking, like a good barkeep.  
"Theres nothing underhanded, or illegal about this. So, I cant do anything to stop you from selling these toys. But tomorrow I want a sign up,in the bar, in common and bajoran about the dangers of real tribbles. Lieutenant Dax will help you with that." The toy in his arms purrs loudly. Sisko softens a little. 

"Also, don't purchase any more. The toy is a fad, and like all fads, it'll run its course. After that I better not see any. Or I'll give lieutenant commander Warf permission to destroy them without mercy or reimbursement."

"Fair. Thank you captain." Sisko was not an unkind man, and not too long later Quark watches as he carefully does not take the toy with him as he leaves. 

Later in the evening Garak arrives, unsurprised to find that the bar was the source of the latest trend.  
He sits at the bar and waits until tribble scootches past him to put his arm on the bar.

"It doesn't cost anything to touch 'em" Quark suggests.  
"They're soft."

Garak grimaces. "I know about these things, and what they can do." 

"Then you should know I'm not dumb enough to even think of buying real ones. Here." Quark gently tosses him a small one. "Feel it." 

Like the others, it buzzes in his hands until he finds the off switch.  
"Rumor has it that they weren't always like this." Garak confides. 

"Oh? What else does the rumor say?"

"Someone, possibly in starfleet thought it was a good idea to have this slow moving creature breed faster, as they were an easy source of meat. One wrong gene added and," he gestures widely at the bar, not necessary overrun with the toys, but close to it.

"I'll do you one better. I know for a fact that the real tribbles aren't extinct."  
He knows by now that Garaks shocked face is a practiced one, but this looks to be real surprise. 

"Don't tell me, a cousin of yours has one somewhere?"

"Nope. Klingons aren't the only race that hate these fuzzbuckets. The Betazoids hate them too. They have just one, locked up in stasis. Locked up past more security than the symbionts, And every few years they take it out for a bit so that the kids can learn its mind. And then back into stasis it goes." 

"I never knew that the betazoids have such hatred in them." He let the toy go and it wandered up the bar to Morn, who already had 3 more on him, and was beginning to look like he was wearing a bad fur coat.

"Oh yeah, I had a betazoid on station check the shipment, after getting scanned by O'Brien. He was happy to make sure." 

The tailor takes a glance around the bar and smiles. "I'll take five of them. Small ones." 

"Why small ones?"

"Small ones mean that there's an adult nearby." Garak smiles a predatory smile, and pays for his new toys. 

"Whatever happens to these toys after they leave my bar is no business of mine, and also not my fault." Quark tells the ex-spy seriously. 

"My dear barkeep, what do you think I'm going to do with them?" 

"I don't know, but think I'll find out eventually." He frowns at Garak, he doesn't want the blame to come back to him, understandably. 

"You'll see them around my shop when you come to pick up your vest, and if one should happen to inch its way along into, I don't know, something outside my shop, it's not your fault that I left the machine running. "

"Hey, what you do with your toys is no business of mine." He agreed 

"10 slips for the bunch?"  
"15."  
"I heard it was 2 slips for one."  
"That was before they became a wanted item."  
"Make it 5 and I'll throw in a free pair of pants with your next suit." Quark smiled, his sharp teeth showing. The tailor was a decent bargainer. 

"Deal. Just grab the ones you want." It took a few minutes to find the small ones, because most of them had made their way into the small areas of the bar. But the tailor was happy with his purchase. 

And the bar patrons, seeing Garak buy not one, but five of the toys, sales went back up, and most of the fuzzballs were sold by the end of the night. After closing. He and his workers rounded up what was left. 

There were 18 left, but there had been about 140 of them scattered around the bar when the day started, so profits were good! They were all turned off, and Quark took the box with the last of them back with him to his quarters. He still had about 55ish left in the box in his quarters, and he would bring about thirty of them to the bar the next day, to drive up the price.

He thought about gifting one to lieutenant Dax as a joke, but the following thought was that her husband might actually try to kill him, so he let that slide. Why give one away for free? She'll be coming by tomorrow anyway, and she just might buy one herself. 

In a moment of curiosity, he grabbed one randomly from the box, a tan one with long fur and turned it on. 

It purred pleasantly in his hands. He held it close and let the small robot soothe him for a moment before turning it off. He looked at the open box, and back at the toy in his hand. He took a moment to decide, but he placed the deactivated toy on a shelf and closed the box. 

Keeping one would be useful down the line, and if he were to turn it on sometimes, well, thats his own business.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a thought, and wrote it down. Bless you ao3, for making my idea an online published reality.


End file.
